I've had my LG phone for somewhere around 2 years now, though judging by the state of it, it looks about ten years old. I drop it multiple times a day. It's not a smart phone, and I like it. I like phones with buttons. If I could have a rotary cell phone, I would.
I've gotten quite frustrated with the T9 predictive text setting, especially when I'm misspelling words (a misspelled "tomorrow" yields, "unoppoy" and gives me no clue as to where I took a wrong turn), but most of all when I'm spelling words that exist but aren't in my phone's dictionary. "Iguana" was one I had to program in. "Taun Taun," remarkably, nerdily, was not. There have been other words that I accidentally programmed in and have been haunted by this whole time. They are:
I.m oExt (instead of "next") That's (which looks stupid, capitalized in the middle of a sentence) kOpt (instead of "lost") GUYS (instead of a less-shouty "guys") STOP (same as above)
It's easy to look either stupid or completely insane with these words popping up first, especially if I'm not taking the time to edit my texts. This has happened a lot. It wasn't until today, after a brief Google search, that I found out how to access this list of words and eliminate the ones that have vexed me for so long. I had fun, however, going through the T9 dictionary to see the words I intended to program in for future use. (Evidently, the T9 dictionary doesn't need to be in exact alphabetical order.)
b-word Baloney barf barfed barfing Chernobyl bitch bitches blerg boob boner crap cribbage bros brownies apropro cruddy Buh Aww faggot damn dammit farting farts fave deez (as in, "deez nutz") Dick dirtbag doozy fucking (but not plain ol' "fuck"?) duh full-on Exfoliation (part of the pornogrind metal band name Evan and I came up with "Anal Exfoliation) haha Haha Hahaha gassy heck guh God Lardvulva (a local band) jiff okie nog nook sass peeing pedophilia Responsibilityuns sext shit Sims (such a nerd) pissed sooo soooo poopy Stix punning tarp thang viking visceral toon (I have a hard time understanding why the last three aren't already there) yarp Zhe Ziggy Yuck
This list may not be comprehensive, but it is very revealing.
I haven't posted any sleep talkings in awhile for a couple reasons. The most obvious one being that I haven't really given myself any gems on account of taking melatonin or not sleeping alone. These factors really seem to influence the quality of my sleep talking, which is fascinating to me. The other, perhaps most important, reason to me is that my hard drive died. I was looking at Craigslist and then everything froze and it sounded like the predator was in my computer. So, without a computer or anything worth posting I let this little project go fallow for awhile.
One new hard drive and OS later, I can finally get back to work posting these things so all three of you can listen to them. I hope you enjoy it! The fourth one is my favorite.
1. "Are you high? O…kay."
2. "*humming* What's wrong? Mhm mhm mhm mhm mhm mhm mhmmmmm." (I decided to spare you the creepy sounds of terror that followed this.)
3. "I see you guys shoot… Are you shooting arrows or baskets?"
4. "Are you [kidding] dude? Shut up! Right now. Stop saying words. [shushing]. Just stop."
During his current month-long stint in Afghanistan, fixing Chinook helicopters for freedom, my roommate charged me with the task of selling the* spare coffee/end tables and use the money to contribute to the house (read: beer) fund. In the midst of a flurry of productivity I wrote the initial copy for the ad I would post on Craigslist, fretting over brevity and including the appropriate details. It went like this:
Metal and glass coffee table set - $100
Set of three living room tables: coffee table and two matching end
tables. Matte finish metal frames with removable round glass tops.
Coffee table is 48" long, 26" wide, and 17" tall. End tables are 26"
wide and 21" tall. All are in great condition, no chips and only a small
scratch on the coffee table. We just don't have room for them anymore.
Email with any other questions.
$100 for the whole set. You pick up.
Aside from the missed connection I almost posted in college and the missed connection I posted last June that began my present relationship with Evan, I have never posted anything on Craigslist. This ad included four nice pictures (for CL), in case you were wondering. What I'm trying to explain is that I am no novice browser of the Craigslist, but I am brand new to the world of low-balling that selling anything opens up, and not the kind you might find in the personals.
The first email came the same day, offering me $80. It's a fair move in haggling, and I offered the lady a deal at $90. No response.
Two days passed before I decided to add some pizazz to the posting. I had resisted being silly because I wanted buyers to take my ad seriously. After 48 hours of silence (I am not a patient woman) it was Hail Mary time. Here are the additions.
What people are saying about these tables:
"Wow! Those ARE some sexy tables you have there. Obviously worth lots of money." --Forbes Magazine [actually my roommate]
"The lamp/centerpiece combinations are endless with these tables!" --Better Homes and Gardens
"Whoa! I can see right through these!" --High Times
"Metal and glass coffee table sets may or may not be one of Oprah's favorite things for 2012!" --O Magazine
Within an hour I got an offer for $65. I shot back a PSH-of-course-not offer of $90**. No response. I went to work for a few hours and returned home to two rapid-fire serious offers with no haggling. I set up a pick-up day with one and told the other I'd let her know if the other didn't show up. Now I'm making plans to have a buddy here so I don't get stabbed and robbed while they take the tables and I decorate a Beer Money jar.
The take-away lessons: Always post a price higher than you want for the d-bag hagglers and using stupid jokes will make your post memorable.
* - I don't know why, but I keep initially typing "our" instead of "the" or, more appropriately, "his" coffee tables. They never belonged to the both of us. Perhaps this is because he's referred to the house as "our house," something my dad never did (it was HIS house, I just got to live there), that makes me want to claim the tables, too. Perhaps it's because I'm the one selling them.
** - I mean come on. That's $30 a table, a bargain I dareyou to find at Goodwill.
